“What would you do if you had everything you ever wanted? ”
I often talk about how lucky I am— and by lucky, I mean blessed. I never wanted to be rich or powerful. I never wanted to be responsible for some big corporation or have the weight of anyone’s world on my shoulders in the name of success. I wanted to be happy.
Truth is: I didn’t know if joy existed ten years ago. I had 23 years of baggage and inexperience and heartbreak and fear under my belt- and none of it came with joy. Aside from a little boy of about 7 years old, I wondered why nothing made sense, why life was so hard, and why I was cursed with carrying the anger I did. I knew no God. I knew no gratitude. I knew no appreciation. All of my attitude and self awareness stemmed from difficult situations that were out of my control (especially being that I was a child for the majority of them), but I was a product of my experiences and I carried those curses with me every minute of my life. And it showed.
Then came the cancer.
In the next ten years while my son fought for his life, I’d find rock bottom. Then God. And then myself- in that order. I’d leave a dependent relationship that wasn’t good for my self esteem or confidence and I’d finally deal with the demons of abuse, alcoholism, and assault that haunted me for as long as I could remember… and then I’d pick up my entire life from the rubble, relocate, meet my now husband (who was walking in when everyone else was walking out), and I’d build a life I could be proud of in the ashes of my past. My profession would change. My personality would change. My way of life would change. My beliefs would change. And I would never know that former girl again… She was gone. I was reborn. And it was beautiful.
I’m not going to preach to you about God or about finding your positivity or about embracing your humility… And I’m not going to preach to you about the power of forgiveness and about letting go of things that don’t serve you… And lastly, I’m not going to preach to you about gratitude and about being thankful for every single minute, person, and experience in your life… But I am going to tell you that by doing those things, I found mine… I found my life. I found my healing. I found myself. And most importantly, I found my happiness.
If somebody asked me today what I would do if I had everything I ever wanted, I’d look them right in the face and tell them “I already have it.” Come what may- I already have everything that I could ever dream of.